Writing

UREMBO SERIES: SKINNY STORY (Ep.2)

Even though I’m pretty good at monopoly, I don’t have a monopoly of knowledge. Therefore, in this series, I shall also be sharing other people’s stories, just for us to get different points of view.

Today I’m sharing a story by a beautiful slender girl, like myself. Since this is some heavy stuff, the author asked me to keep her identity secret, so forgive me. I really hope that, that small detail won’t affect how you perceive the message.

Here’s her story.

Atelphobia- the fear of not being good enough.

Here’s my story in the form of a letter.

Dear Insecurities,

I was 11 years old, when you sent me my first letter. The Internet had just become a big thing to me and you emphasized on those pictures of beautiful girls with curvy bodies, subconsciously making that my marking scheme of what beauty was.

At 12 my classmates started maturing physically, and started dating. It amused me at first, until you sent me another letter asking, ‘why is no one hitting on you? Why is there no hint of puberty in you?’

At 13 I started being asked if I’m ‘anorexic’, a word I didn’t even understand. At home I was forced to eat, my food inspected before and after I ate and sometimes shoved down my throat like a little baby. You always took that chance to make me hate myself. One day, my mother, told me that I won’t get someone who wants to marry me with the ‘skinny body that I had’. I can still hear your evil laugh.

Dear Friend.

I told you. You. Are. Not. Beautiful. Why don’t you listen? In fact. Never take off that jacket in school. You wouldn’t want people to see that disgusting body.

I was only 13. Did you have to be so insensitive?

One time, as other things were falling apart in my life, you continued whispering your lies. Right there and then, I decided that I had had enough. At 13, I decide to take my own life. And even though I didn’t succeed, I died in the inside, a death that’s worse that physical death itself.

At 14 a popular boy and I started dating. I was on top of the world with love. You even stopped sending me letters for a while. I had discovered how it feels to have someone love and accept me for who I was. That love filled me with light and hope.

Until he cheated on me, with girls who looked like the women you showed me on the internet.

You gladly took me back to that pit of sadness and self pity, where you sat me down and made it clear that I’d never measure up to the curvy girls.

In high school you had the same song, but my way of dealing with it had changed. I drank my sorrows and insecurities away from 15 years and kissed every Tom, Dick and Harry that paid any attention to me.

You insisted that I should just settle for anything that accepted me, so I started serial dating, changing boys like socks. All but 3 of them cheated on me and each time they did, you sent me another letter to remind me of my place.

At 16, a boy who was several years older took interest in me and I fell for the trap, until he almost tried to rape me and everything fell apart. You sent me letters every single hour. They read, ‘You’re not beautiful.’ ‘Look at your ugly skinny body, who would love you?’ ‘You’ll never be enough.’ ‘Boys don’t want skin and bones’..

I went through the deepest pit of depression, my suicidal thoughts were awakened once again and at 16, I tried to end my life again. And failed, dying a little more inside. A deep wound formed inside me, that when I discover the art of self-harm a year later, I started slitting my thighs, because I wanted to put on that smile, and not have my wrists give a story that I was trying to hide.

Then at some point, you turned gaining weight into an obsession.

You caused me to make crazy unrealistic meal plans for gaining weight, look up ways to make my breasts, hips and bum grow. I tried eating and drinking those things they tell you about, and doing those ridiculous exercises and massages. I forced myself to eat, even when I was not hungry, and continued even when I was almost vomiting. I drank medicine to increase my appetite and shoved glasses of the whole milk mixed with weight gaining protein powder down my throat. Then I started exercising because all the bloggers and YouTubers swore that it would help. I had hope that something would change but.. nothing ever did.

Then I stopped obsessing. I don’t know the exact date or time, but I stopped.

Some days were good, others were still hard, but things were suddenly different. Even your letters came less often.

Some days I’d think my body is perfect, my waist is beautiful, hips the perfect width, breasts the right size. On other days I’d be tempted to wish my hips were a bit wider, butt a bit bigger and breasts a bit fuller like those beautiful curvy women.

I remember how much you loved heartbreaks, because that’s where you thrived most. You’d choke me with feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness, and tried to convince me that I wasn’t beautiful, but I fought it with everything I had.

I stopped having the sick desire to feel loved and accepted and told that I’m beautiful. I got out of my shell and became comfortable and confident in my body, started wearing clothes that made me feel beautiful, started feeling like I was enough and stopped getting defined by the standard of beauty that was out there.

I realized that beauty is from within and that when you start feeling beautiful from the inside, it starts oozing outside. It shows in your dressing, the way you carry yourself, the value you have for yourself, in your confidence, your attitude and in how you perceive and are perceived by others. You stop trying to be beautiful and become genuinely beautiful.

Insecurities, you’ve had such a hold of me all my life, but I refuse to let you control me any more. So this is my last letter to you. Goodbye faithful companion, you have no place in the life of a beautiful gem like me, who is fearfully and wonderfully made.

Yours faithfully,

Beautiful and Proud skinny girl.

I hope her story educated and inspired you as much as it inspired me. I personally feel like everyone has become very vocal against body shaming for thick girls, and that’s great. But what about the body shaming skinny girls go through?

The world will always have something to say about beauty in line with your body size. You can’t change people’s opinions on you, but you can change your opinion on yourself. Never forget that.

YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL.

Do you relate with the story shared above? Share in the comments below.

That’s it for today. Till next time.

Remember to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.

Grow and glow. Xx

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47 thoughts on “UREMBO SERIES: SKINNY STORY (Ep.2)”

  1. Heyy Foi
    This piece really got me especially since I’m a thick girl myself. Admittedly (as dumb as it sounds now) we, let me say I, look at smaller girls and think how lucky they are and how they have absolutely no body problems on this earth. This has been really eye opening for me and I get that girl that always said she wished she would like me and I hated her to the bone because I thought she was making fun, because who would want to be as fat as me. I think it’s up to us to remind ourselves and each other how beautiful we are everyday and give love and encouragement even if you think the other person is perfect. Real queens fix each other”s crowns 😊 ( yes, I loved that one)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Terry. Hunny, don’t even beat yourself up for thinking or feeling like that. Because that’s exactly how the society has made people think about some things. Skinny girls like us look at thicker girls like you and wish we could be like that, and thick girls look at skinnier girls and wish they could be like that. It’s a whole messed up cycle tbh. And it needs to be addressed and to be stopped.
      You are beautiful just the way you are, did you know that some of these weight lose programs and products actually pay people to make being thick look like it’s such a sin?? I actually just learnt that recently. It’s terrible!! You’re a queen, never forget that, Queens are beautiful and uplift each other always.
      Thank you for reading and sharing. ❤️

      Like

  2. I paused severally as I read this because I relate so much to it. Finally, someone who was brave enough to talk about it! For too long skinny girls have been made to feel like speaking out about their body shaming is in a proud way..an almost “anti-thick” campaign. Yet that’s not it. No one deserves to be shamed because of how they look. Thick or thin!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Heyyyy. I’m glad it resonates with you as much as it did with me. At the end of the day, this is the society we live in. And all we can learn to do is silence some voices and constantly remind ourselves that we are beautiful.
      Thank you for reading 😘

      Like

      1. hey so foi I never imagined you as a writer remember me we met at a camp for form ones in embu in April. Anyway am slim and not full of boobs and ass so I’m not the type who get boyfriends easily .Being a teenager I feel put of place and pple think am not maturing.Lets stop bodyshaming slender girls.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hey sweetheart 😊😘 no one should be made to feel like they are not beautiful just because of things as mundane as boobs and ass. Hunnay I’m 20 and I’m hella beautiful even without. And so are you ❤️

        Like

  3. I absolutely love what you wrote . My hole life I had insecurities for being too skinny . Thank you for making know that skinny woman do have stragles with their bodies too . Keep going gurl 💕. Be blessed👏🏾

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you sweetheart. Yesss we all have our stories, struggles that we’ve dealt with. Always remember you’re beautiful despite whatever anyone says or thinks. What you think about yourself is more important.
      Thank you sweetheart 😘

      Like

  4. B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L!! If only we embraced diversity and chose to see beauty in it rather than try to force everyone to conform to /fit a certain standard, what a different world this would be 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. And finally someone put a pen to this, I’m s skinny girl and I totally relate. I had my insecurities for a very long time until I decided not to care anymore. Thank you for this inspiring piece 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. Oh myyy haven’t we all had our insecurities with our bodies. People will Always have their opinions. But remember that you’re beautiful despite what people say or think . ❤️

      Like

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